Of Flowers and Idiots
by Chaos Silk
Summary: It started with a simple offering of flowers, and ended with Zack getting kicked in the head. A ZackKadaj drabble fic. Dedicated to Chibi Envy Chan
1. Flowers

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer:I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: This is Chibi's Christmas present, instead of smut, he gets a collection of drabbles dedicated to the pairing of Zack/Kadaj. This first one was scribbled out as I was waiting for my math class to start (which oddly enough, it never did. My teacher was out sick.. In this universe Kadaj, Yazu and Loz are part of SOLDIER under Sephiroth.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm (in)famous for.

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Challenge item: Flowers

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"What the hell is that monstrosity?" Kadaj demanded, eye twitching as he regards the blindingly colorful array of plantlife awaiting him on his desk. He and Sephiroth had just walked in the room, the General having stopped by to hand Kadaj his paperwork before starting on his work. Sephiroth snickered, carefully disguising it with a cough as the younger SOLDIER turned to him.

"I believe they're called flowers..." Sephiroth said, a rare tone of amusment coloring his voice as he placed the somewhat decent stack of papers onto the younger male's desk, carefully maneveuring it as far from the flowers as possible and still be on the same desk. Kadaj growled, slightly irritated as he watched the General leave his office, chuckling under his breath. Kadaj's sharp ears barely caught the words '_idiots in love_' and '_flowers_' before the taller man disappeared from sight and hearing range.

He stared at the flowers warily, as if expecting it to attack him at any second. He unsheathed Souba, cautiously poking them with the double blades. One of the flowers fell off its stem, falling to the floor without a sound. Deciding that the flowers weren't going to attack, he walked around the other side of the desk and sat down. He blinked, spotting an innocent looking white card in front of him. It was leaning against the glass tube (vase) that contained the flowers, angled so that it could not be seen from the other side of the desk. _To_ _Kadaj _was written across the top of the card in a messy scrawl that was undoubtedly familiar.

"That idiot." Kadaj growled, crumpling the card in his hand. He eyed the flowers again, trying to figure out some use for them then picked them up and stalked out of the room, sneezing as he discovered a.) the flowers smelled kind of good and b.) they made his eyes water.

Minutes later found the vase thrown at Zack's head, leaving Kadaj to feel slightly smug as water, glass and the hated flowers spattered across the room.

"Next time you decide to be romantic, be romantic in a evil way." Kadaj snarled from his position in the doorway. "Blow something up or something... Just don't send me fricken flowers. I'm allergic to pollen, you asshole." He grumbled as a parting shot, ignoring the shocked/amused/confused stares from the rest of the occupants of the boardroom as he stalked off.

Sephiroth leaned over the edge of the table, green eyes glittering down at his prone companion. "Now what have we learned?" He purred, laughing as Zack blinked, still in a state of shock.

"Never come to you for romantic advice?" Zack said, blinking again.

"Exactly." Sephiroth grinned evilly.

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TBC

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Poor Zack.

Challenge items would be nice, reviews would be nicer.


	2. Crossdressing

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Yet another drabble from me, apologies for the lack of updates. My father is visiting and won't leave, as such I am constantly hounded for writing/reading/being me. If he doesn't leave tomorrow, he might become a missing person

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Crossdressing. From **Chibi Envy Chan** (who is still awesome)

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Kadaj stepped out of his bathroom; towel slung low on his hips as he stalked towards his closet, muttering under his breath about clothes-stealing idiots. He flung open his closet door, nearly ripping it off the hinges and blinked at the sight before him. He blinked again and rubbed his eyes, trying to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating.

A single article of clothing hung carelessly in the closet, a post-it note hastily tacked to the front. While the post-it note wasn't pink or insulting, which would've clued Kadaj into Reno's involvement had it been so, the very sight of it pinned on the atrocious garment made Kadaj's blood boil and his fingers twitch for Souba. It was neon orange and covered in a messy scrawl, which could only belong to one person.

Kadaj ripped the note from the... thing in his closet and scowled at it.

_Dearest Kadaj,_ He read, eye twitching slightly at being called 'dearest'.

_In case you haven't noticed, I have stolen all of your clothing. I happen to think that you would look great in this outfit I picked out for you and Sephiroth agrees, which is why he lent me his copy of your apartment key. If you want your clothing back, put it on and meet me at that one bakery Sephiroth likes so much._

_I love you, please don't kill me._

_Zack_.

Kadaj growled, crumpling the paper and tossing it over his shoulder as he glared at the monstrosity Zack had left in the place of his nice, normal wardrobe. It was pink. It was sparkly. It was a dress.

Kadaj would rather burn in hell for eternity than allow it to touch his skin. He checked his underwear drawer to see if the blasted menace had gone through that as well then froze. He slammed the drawer shut, deciding that it was safer for his sanity and Zack's health if he just pretended Zack had made off with all of his underwear and left the drawer empty.

As he saw it, he had only two options, three if he acknowledged what was stored in his underwear drawer. He could put on the dress and hunt Zack down like the dog he was, or he could forego the dress and hunt Zack down in a towel. Neither option looked appealing, but one thing was certain... Zack had to die.

However, Kadaj wasn't quite desperate enough to put on the dress or the undergarment left for him and he certainly wasn't going out in a towel. Towels were far too revealing and far too easily stolen. Tseng had had a similar experience last week, though the thief hadn't been kind enough to leave him anything, and as he was chasing after Reeve (who was oddly enough, the culprit) Reno ripped his towel away and ran in the opposite direction, giggling like a schoolgirl. Kadaj had certainly been displeased to hear he had missed that.

At the time, Kadaj had found the tale somewhat amusing. Especially when he found out it had been Reeve who had stolen Tseng's clothes (he never did hear why though). But now that he found himself in a similar predicament, he wasn't so pleased. He sighed before glancing about the room, checking for hidden cameras.

Another sigh and he dropped the towel, yanked the dress off the hanger and pulled it over his head. Growling angrily, he pulled down the hem, making sure that everything that needed to be covered was before grabbing Souba and stalking out. Murder written on his face.

As far as Kadaj was concerned, Zack was going to die two deaths. Once for stealing all of his clothes and forcing him into a dress, Twice for choosing a dress that was pink **and** sparkly.

He hoped to god Sephiroth didn't see him like this.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Reviews would be loved, Challenge items appreciated.


	3. Time Bomb

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: My father is gone and my boyfriend proposed...Why must these things happen one after another?

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Time Bomb from **Kaarii**

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_Tick_

Zack stared at the box on his desk with suspicion. He could've swore it just... Nah, couldn't be. Kadaj wouldn't send him something that ticked. But just in case, he checked the tag again.

_Tick._

The tag was in Kadaj's handwriting, which was too distinctive to be faked. It informed him that Kadaj had graciously decided to send him a gift in return and that he was not to open it until 2:35 today. Zack decided that Reno must've snuck something into the vents again... Or he was hearing things. Again.

_Tick._

He glanced at the clock. Only two minutes left, he couldn't wait to see what the silver-haired one had bought him. It was about time he started to return his affections.

_Tick_.

Kadaj sure had taken a lot of time wrapping this. From what he could see, there were several layers of paper and tape, keeping him from seeing what was inside. The paper was shiny and silver, obviously borrowed from Cloud, who used the paper for every event that required wrapping something up.

_Tick._

Though he usually saw it on food, not on a gift, but it was sweet that Kadaj would go through the trouble of borrowing something from Cloud just to make him happy. It was obvious that Kadaj wouldn't have any wrapping paper, never really having a reason to give a gift.

_Tick._

The thought that he might be the first one Kadaj had ever given a gift to made him warm inside.

_Tick._

He glanced at the clock. Only thirty seconds left. His fingers twitched, wondering if it would be safe to open it. Knowing Kadaj, he probably rigged it to explode if he messed with it before the appointed time.

_Tickaticka._

Zack stared at the present.

_TickatickaBOOM!_

A flare spell and a face full of aluminum foil.

Kadaj must love him a lot.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

This was so much fun to write.


	4. Advice

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Second in a long list of updates.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Advice (from Kadaj's brothers) From **Kots**

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"You're asking us what Kadaj would like for Valentine's day?" Yazoo asked, tilting his head back and brushing his hair away from his face as he stared at Zack with an expression that might've been disbelieving if it hadn't have been emotionless instead.

"That's so..." Loz paused, sniffing. "Sweeet..." Loz wailed, Zack sweatdropped and Yazoo patted Loz on the back halfheartedly.

"Don't cry Loz." Yazoo said, his tone uncaring. Not for the first time, Zack wondered if someone was slipping something into the long-haired triplet's drink.

Zack backed out of the room slowly, as if expecting them to attack him at any moment. As soon as he was out the door, he ran, deciding it would just be easier to go with Cloud's suggestion and blow something up.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

It's so fun to write Zack.


	5. Dinner

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Third in a long list of updates.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Zack attempting to cook dinner but needs help so he enlists the aid of Sephykins! from **Chibi Envy Chan** (who as always, is still awesome)

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"So we add three kilograms of salt to this..." Zack said, picking up the container of salt. Sephiroth's eye twitched and he yanked to container out of his subordinate's grasp.

"Grams Zack, not Kilograms. Do you want to kill yourself?" Sephiroth asked, holding the salt away from Zack with one hand and peeling potatoes with the other. Zack had decided to cook an old fashioned Gonaga dinner for himself and Kadaj. However, since he couldn't cook he had enlisted the help of Sephiroth.

"What the hell are you two doing in my kitchen?" And since Zack's kitchen was a blackened mess and Sephiroth wasn't willing to sacrifice his kitchen, they were 'borrowing' Cloud's.

"What does it look like Spike? We're cooking a romantic dinner." Zack said as Sephiroth shook a bit of salt into the pot Zack was stirring, then neatly sliced the peeled potatoes and dumped them in the pot as well. Cloud raised an eyebrow, taking in Sephiroth's pink apron (the one he was so very fond of) and the fact that one of Zack's hands was handcuffed to the oven.

"Is there something you two need to tell me?" Cloud asked, discreetly shoving the person hiding behind him into the other room. Sephiroth snorted, catching a glimpse of silver hair and black leather before the other person darted into Cloud's bedroom.

"I don't know, is there something you need to tell us?" Sephiroth's eyes twinkled in that way that meant he knew something was up. Zack perked up.

"Yeah Cloud, who was that? Your Valentine?" He winked and nudged Seph, leering at the smaller blonde. Cloud's eye twitched and he hesitated for only a second (something Sephiroth noticed, but Zack didn't) before saying:

"That was Reno. Someone stole all of his clothes out of the locker room while he was showering, since we're about the same size I'm allowing him to borrow some of mine." Cloud said, which was technically true. Reno's clothes did get stolen and he did allow him to borrow his spare set. But that wasn't who was in his bedroom right now, probably cowering under his bed out of fear of Zack's cooking.

"That was nice of you..." Zack said distractedly, pulling spices out of the cabinet at random. Sephiroth and Cloud watched him warily. "Now for the special spices." He announced, uncapping a jar and tossing the whole thing in there. Sephiroth and Cloud exchanged looks, both were rather relieved not to be Kadaj at this moment.

Zack left minutes afterwards, handcuff keys having been found (no questions as to why Sephiroth had handcuffs) and unlocked, a big pot filled to the brim with Zack's super-special stew. Cloud cleaned up the mess and started to cook Sephiroth and his visitor a nice, normal meal without a ton of paprika and cloves dumped in it.

"You owe me." He said as Kadaj stepped out of the bedroom, staring at the door suspiciously, as though expecting Zack to come running back in at any moment, declaring his love for him. Sephiroth noticed and locked the door with the special 'Zack-proof' locks Reno had designed.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Gotta love Cloud. I've always seen him as someone good at cooking.


	6. Return of the dress

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Fourth in a long list of updates.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Implied Reno/Yazoo.

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Challenge item: Follow up of the crossdressing episode from **Chibi Envy Chan** (who is, as always, awesome)

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"Seeing as how Cloud has graciously gifted us with dinner, I shall provide us with entertainment." Sephiroth said as he and Cloud took their places on the couch, on either side of Kadaj. He pulled an unmarked cd from his pocket and handed it to Kadaj. He smirked.

"Would you do the honors?" He asked, handing it to Kadaj. The younger one stared at it for a second, then cautiously took it from his hand. He got up and placed it in the DVD player, wondering what could possibly be on that DVD that had Sephiroth grinning in that maniacal way.

The TV flickered on and Kadaj nearly jumped out of his skin as Zack's face appeared on screen.

"_You're an idiot." _Sephiroth's voice crackled through the speakers, followed by the sound of maniacal laughter. The camera turned, showing a rather revealing shot of... Reno as he streaked down the halls. It seemed that the case of disappearing clothes had been going on for weeks. Cloud strongly suspected that Rufus was involved.

"_Reno, please get back here so I can..." _ Cloud sweatdropped as Yazoo ran through the camera's view after the naked redhead, the rest of his sentence lost as Zack started to babble on and on about this dress he bought.

Suddenly all talking ceased, due to something colliding with Zack's head. The camera was turned to face an enraged looking Kadaj standing over an prone Zack. Cloud blinked, not really sure he was seeing what he was seeing. He looked from the Kadaj on the screen to the Kadaj on the couch and back. Kadaj was flushed red, looking as though he would rather be anywhere but here at this moment.

"_Well don't you look pretty." _Zack's voice said, the Zack on screen openly leering at the young clone. Cloud couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Kadaj was in a dress, a pink _sparkly_ dress. Something was very, very wrong with this video.

"_YOU DIE!!" _Kadaj shouted, raising his foot up to showcase what he was wearing under the dress and his matching socks, then smashing that same foot into Zack's head repeatedly. Snickering filtered in through the speakers as the screen faded to black.

The words 'Embarrassing moments at Shinra' appeared on the screen followed by 'Filmed by Sephiroth, distributed by Evil Moogles'.

"I swear, one of these days, I will kill you." Kadaj growled, face burning as he avoided looking at either of the men beside him. Sephiroth smirked.

"You keep saying that and yet nobody has died yet."

"I will get you my Sephy and your little moogles too." Kadaj snarled, wishing he had thought to bring Souba with him. Cloud finally gave into the laughter that was bubbling up and Sephiroth sneered in that all powerful way he had.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Requests will be written. Reviews will be loved.


	7. Silk Teddy

Dedicated to Chibi Envy Chan, because he's awesome

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: It's been how long since I last updated?

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Implied Reno/Yazoo.

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Challenge item: Zack in a silk teddy posing on Kadaj's desk From **HotoriBlackfox**

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Cloud's eye twitched as he opened the door to Kadaj's office (the silver-haired one having come to get him after taking one look at what lay behind the door). He took one look at Zack, who was posing shamelessly on Kadaj's desk clad only in a grin and a ridiculously garish pink teddy, and closed the door soundly.

This was over his head. While he was perfectly capable of handling (and was usually in charge of handling) the SOLDIER's day-to-day idiocies, there were times when the black haired man was just too over the top for even him to handle. This was usually when Sephiroth was called in, because hardly anything phased the man.

However, Sephiroth was gone for the day, which is probably why Zack had the balls to pull something like this because Shiva knows the silver haired man would rip them off if he knew that the black haired man had planned something like this. Their second choice for dealing with Zack-related incidents that even Cloud can't (or won't) handle was usually Reno, but there had been another Yazoo-related clothes incident and the redhead had barricaded himself in his office and refused to come out until his clothes were returned. Now Kadaj was willing to do a lot of things to get that monstrosity out of his office and where it belonged, but talking a lovesick Yazoo out of his prize was just a little bit too much.

Which is why they got Rude to do it. The bald Turk was annoyed at the situation already, partly because he was tired of doing all of Reno's work himself and partly because he was tired of seeing Reno's bare ass, so it wasn't that hard to get him to agree. In fact, it went so well that instead of forcing Reno back into his pants and dragging him all the way to Kadaj's office, they simply asked Rude if he would kindly force Zack into Reno's pants and remove him from Kadaj's office.

In short, Kadaj was happy, Zack was clothed, Reno was unclothed and Yazoo was _very_ happy. As for Sephiroth, he got to enjoy his vacation in peace while Rude and the evil moogles made a killing off a sales from the video footage. Tseng was not involved, and was quite happy to be so.

Zack was highly encouraged (and by highly encouraged we mean that Cloud threatened to make him eat his own cooking for the rest of his life coupled with several other very creative threats from Reno) to stay away from lingerie for all eternity.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

I love Zack, truly I do. But some of the things he does...


	8. Sick

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: And two out of two done, I think I need more requests.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Implied Reno/Yazoo.

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Challenge item: Zack somehow manages to become sick in spite of all that Mako pumped into him. Since Seph is tired of Zack's whining (more importantly the ever-growing paperwork); he manages to get Kadaj to dress in a female nurse's outfit so Zack will get better soon. from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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Despite all the Mako injections, Jenova injections and god-knows-what-else flowing in his blood, Zack had managed to become sick and stay sick for over two months. With every day he was out, the stack of paperwork on Sephiroth's desk grew higher and higher and without a convenient idiot to place its destruction on, Sephiroth was stuck actually _doing_ the work himself.

Something had to give. Either Zack was going to have to get over what ailed him or Sephiroth was going to lock Yazoo in a dog kennel while Reno _accidentally_ burned all of his paperwork. The redhead was still refusing to even step foot out of the Turks floor when Yazoo was in the building and Sephiroth could understand why. The long-haired remnant was a bigger leech than Zack (if possible) and he had latched onto Reno and refused to let go. While this was all usually very amusing to the General (in fact, he took great pleasure in instructing the Evil Moogles to follow both pairs around with video cameras), it wasn't quite as amusing when he actually had to do the job he was paid to do.

So it really wasn't any surprise to Cloud when Sephiroth showed up in his office demanding to know what the idiot wanted in exchange for a miraculous recovery (Zack was dosing himself with his own cooking to stay sick), what was a surprise is that it had taken so long. It had taken only five minutes for Sephiroth to kidnap Kadaj (and Yazoo), force him into the outfit Zack wanted (and shove Yazoo into the kennel he had procured from Cloud), and ship him off to Zack's apartment (shoving Yazoo's kennel into Reno's office in the process).

One way or another, whether it was due to Zack getting better due to scantily clad Nurse Kadaj or Reno going insane due to the stalker caged in his office, his paperwork was going to get destroyed. And it was going to be destroyed in style, along with half of his office, meaning that he could gleefully skip work to annoy Cloud.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

I absolutely adore slacker!Seph because deep down, he's just as big of a goof off as Reno or Zack, he just hides it way better.


	9. Reno and Conversation

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: I was going to stop, but Reno wanted Yazoo to stop stealing his clothes.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. One-sided (maybe) Reno/Yazoo.

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Challenge item: In which Kadaj and Reno have a conversation.

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"Your brother is stalking me." Kadaj didn't even have to look up from where he was drawing rather descriptive drawings of Zack's death all over his paperwork to know who was standing in the doorway of his office.

"I don't care." And he didn't, as long as Yazoo was happy, healthy and not bothering him, he couldn't care less. In fact, now that Yazoo was stalking the red-haired Turk and Loz had bonded with the bald one (over rubber ducks of all things) his life had regained a tiny bit of the sanity it had missed when Zack had decided that he was in love with him.

Now if only Zack would learn the acceptable way of courting him (bringing him weapons, explosives and various other things that made him squee and other people die was acceptable, bringing him chocolate and flowers was not), his life would be complete.

"He says he wants me to bear his children." Kadaj paused in drawing a fountain of blood spraying from Zack's neck. Yazoo had never really got a good grasp on the differences between males and females. Kadaj had a suspicion that the older male was under the illusion that they were all the same. Either that or he actually thought the Turk was a girl. Which, knowing Yazoo as well as he did, didn't surprise him either way.

"I'm quite sure Hojo would be quite happy to make it easier for you to bear children." Kadaj shrugged, it really wasn't his problem. The man standing at the door paused, considering for a second.

"If you get Yazoo to stop stealing my clothes, I'll convince Zack to stop trying to force you to crossdress." Reno offered tentatively. Kadaj blinked and, for the first time in the conversation, looked up at Reno. He put his pen down and smirked.

It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Kadaj is a brat. Reno is a brat. This is usually equals a lot of arguments unless one or the other has something the other wants.


	10. Button

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Hee Hee.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Zack plants bombs in Hojo's office and lets Kadaj push the button from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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Kadaj was extremely pleased, which was an all too rare mood for him, especially since a certain someone had taken it upon himself to court him. However, that idiot had finally managed to do something right for once.

It seemed that all the blows to the head had finally knocked some sense into him and instead of presenting him with flowers or chocolate or something completely mushy that Kadaj happens to be allergic to, he handed him a detonator. While Kadaj was somewhat skeptical of actually pressing the button (after all, who knows what the retard had rigged to explode), he appreciated the thought. Really appreciated it, it meant that the moron was listening when he talked instead of zoning out with that blank look that he usually treated Cloud with when the blonde was babbling about something or the other. Not that Kadaj blamed him.

To push or not to push, that was the question.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

I adore my Zack and Kadaj... Just cause.


	11. Team up!

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: For some reason, this one gave me the most trouble. Zack and Yazoo did not want to get along, not at all...

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Zack and Yazoo team up from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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Zack ducked beneath his desk as a flash of silver appeared in his doorway. He heard footsteps near his desk and prepared himself for a most painful death before being revived with Sephiroth's Revive Materia then tortured to near death and left somewhere where Cloud could find him, either that or Kadaj's famous painful killing blow, the kick of doom. Zack shuddered and wondered why he hadn't ever got around to installing a trap door in his office like he swore he was going to.

"You're stalking my brother." A voice said, its tone flat and uninterested. Zack peeked his head over the edge of the desk and stared at the silver-haired man, eyes wide. The hair was too short to be Sephiroth, but too long to be Kadaj, which meant it could only be one person.

"Yazoo." Zack said, sniffing disdainfully as he climbed out from beneath the desk. "You're stalking my..." He paused as he struggled to find a word to relate what Reno was to him. Yazoo stared in that freaky way he always did, his eyes freaking Zack out in ways that Sephiroth's never did. "Reno." Zack finished lamely, trying to decide whether or not to climb back under his desk.

"He is not yours..." Yazoo spat, eyes flashing dangerously as he glared at Zack in a rare show of emotion. Zack sighed, he always did use the worst choice of words possible. "He is mine and if you come near him again, I will rip your balls off..."

Zack sneered at him. Reno was pretty and all, and he was kind of hot naked, but he was not Zack's type, not at all. "I'll come near him when I want to, he is my friend." Yazoo shook with anger.

"HE IS NOT YOURS!! HE IS MINE!!"

The shout echoed throughout the building, which brought two unfortunate souls to peek through the office door cautiously. As Yazoo and Zack continued to argue, the two blinked and slowly backed away from the door.

"I think we should run for our lives, sanity and virtue now." Reno said, looking at Kadaj. The silver haired man nodded and they took off, leaving Yazoo and Zack to their pointless argument.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	12. Hiding

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: I have nothing to say...

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Kadaj is forced to stay (hide) at Cloud's place, as Zack is being an idiot... again. from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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At first, Cloud thought it was kind of cute and also kind of flattering that Kadaj ran to him whenever Zack got a little too rambunctious, which was whenever he (Cloud) had a day off, but a days turned into months and months turned into years, it was slowly but surely beginning to wear on his nerves. He was willing to admit that Kadaj was absolutely adorable when he was completely terrified, his eyes wide and pleading, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he begged sanctuary that Cloud hadn't the heart to deny him, no matter how much he wanted to just have a day to himself. After all, he was well aware of the danger that lurked outside, he being the one usually in charge of stopping it from getting too insane, something which his second-keeper (Sephiroth) encouraged out of sheer boredom, which was part of Kadaj's problem.

It wasn't really that he minded having Kadaj over, far from it in fact. Kadaj was a joy to be around, especially when one compared him to Cloud's usual company, and he actually cleaned up after himself and was a very well-behaved houseguest, unlike someone who shall remain nameless who behaved himself like a puppy that wasn't housebroken yet whenever Cloud let him in the door. It was just that Cloud was most certainly not a sociable person by any means and having someone over for seventy-two hours tended to wear on his nerves, and when that stay began pushing a week -because that same nameless someone had barricaded the door and refused to move until Kadaj came out-, Cloud got a teensy bit homicidal.

By teensy bit, I meant that he usually kicked down the door (with the full intention of blaming Zack) and proceeded to beat Zack within an inch of his life before throwing him out the window, the _closed_ window. If Zack ran, it was worse, because usually the other inhabitants of the hallway were tired of dealing with his insanity/idiocy and were easily convinced into joining in. Zack had learned –thus proving that he actually had a brain-, that it was always easier if he didn't run when Cloud came charging at him, because the blonde would chase him, no matter what the scenario and the younger man always won, even if he did cheat seventy-five percent of the time.

Usually by the end of the week Cloud had off, Cloud was well rested, Kadaj was happy to the point where it disturbed most of the people he came into contact with and Zack was in the hospital with wounds that would've been fatal if he had not been a SOLDIER. Oh and Reno was usually pantsless, because with Kadaj in Cloud's apartments, Yazoo didn't have anyone to stop him from doing random, stupid stuff like stuffing fish into the redhead's underwear drawer, and steal said redhead pants, obviously.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	13. Wedding Dress

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Poor Cloud.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Zack is looking at a catalog of wedding dresses and imagines Kadaj in one from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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"Buuutttt Cloud..." Zack whined, clinging to the younger man's pants as the blonde tried –keyword: tried- to make his way into the boardroom where they were currently holding the written part of the SOLDIER exam. Cloud's eye twitched as he glared up at the ceiling, counting to ten. "Thhhheeereee's nuthin' to do out here..." Zack wailed, still clinging like a five-year-old on the first day of kindergarten.

Cloud took a deep breath, closed his eyes and envisioned himself anywhere but here as he listened to his fellow troopers mutter among themselves and snicker at the picture the two were making. If Cloud had been in their position, he wouldn't have hesitated to laugh at the sight of a twenty-something year-old clinging to the pants of a teenager easily half his size like a child hanging on to his mother's skirts. However, he was not in their position and he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable in his current position, not to mention the fact that he was trying to suppress the urge to kick Zack in the face until he let go.

"Zack..." Cloud grit out, trying so very hard not to burst out into the random acts of violence that were so effective on the idiot currently attached to him like a leech. "You're a big boy. I'm quite sure you can entertain yourself for an hour or two..."

Zack looked up at him with those big silver eyes, tears starting to form in the corners of them as he stared at his best friend in the whole wide world. "But..." Zack sniffed, blowing his nose on Cloud's uniform pants. Cloud flinched, only barely keeping himself from screaming at the top of his lungs and running away. "Kadaj isn't here..." Zack wailed out, outright bawling into the material of Cloud's pants. Cloud was frozen with a mixture of disgust and pity, he didn't know whether he wanted to run and scour the skin from his body or take Zack into his arms and tell him everything was going to be alright.

He settled for grabbing a magazine from the nearest table and bashing Zack in the head with it until he let go before darting into the boardroom and taking his seat just as the proctor called out his name. Zack was left staring at the magazine he had left behind, which, oddly enough, was a bridal magazine. Zack tilted his head, an evil smirk appearing on his face as he studied the pictures laid out before him. He picked up the magazine and happily skipped –yes, skipped- off to his office, that same happy/evil smirk proudly painted on his face.

He only disturbed ten regular employees, and Rude who just happened to be passing by, on his way there, a record low.

A half-hour later found Cloud pissed because Zack had burst in the room in the middle of the test waving around pictures of Kadaj in various wedding dresses and got him kicked out when he was only half-way done, thus making him fail yet another SOLDIER exam as well as provoking Kadaj's wrath. Zack couldn't help it if he thought Kadaj looked really, really good in a wedding dress, especially when him being in a wedding dress directly related to him, even if it was only in his mind.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	14. Bet

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes:

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Cloud and Reno start a betting pool of when Zack takes Kadaj from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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"You know... Kadaj and Zack actually do make a cute couple." Reno commented to Cloud as he and the blonde sat in the breakroom, playing poker for lack of things to do. Zack had been knocked out a couple hours ago in a rather amusing incident involving the stairs running all the way to the fifty-ninth floor and a skateboard and Reno's paperwork had mysteriously disappeared, leaving only a faintly smoking stain on his desk.

Cloud nodded, frowning at his hand before throwing a couple gil on the table. "Any idiot can see that Kadaj is head over heels for Zack, even though he's still in denial about it."

Reno snickered, confident that he was going to win this hand. "Yeah, it's about as plain as the nose on my face. Bet you three hundred gil that within the month, Kadaj gives in and lets Zack screw him senseless." Cloud snorted as Reno tossed another five-gil piece on the table.

"I bet you five hundred that Kadaj gives in within two weeks..." Cloud smirked, tossing down his hand. Reno's mouth gaped open, his own cards falling from his fingers as he stared blankly at the sight before him. He snapped his mouth close, pouting as Cloud sweeps up the pot and brings it over to his side of the table.

"By the way..." Cloud says as Reno gathers up the cards and starts shuffling. "Why aren't you wearing pants?" Reno scowled and spat out: "Yazoo." like he would a curse-word. Cloud nodded, that was all that needed to be said.

They continued to play poker in silence, because when they talked, they usually ended up scarred for life.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	15. Rubber Duck

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Zack wins a very rare rubber duck and bribes Rude to kidnap Kadaj and bring him to his place for a romantic dinner, which he orders in, from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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"Is that?" Rude gasped, his mouth falling open as he stared at the object cradled in Zack's hands with wide, disbelieving eyes. Zack nodded, his grin almost as wide as Rude's eyes.

"And it's all yours if you do a little something for me." Zack stated, dangling the object just inches from Rude's nose. Rude's eyes crossed, though Zack couldn't see them behind his thick sunglasses, and a little strand of drool escaped his mouth as he stared hungrily at the rubber object. He wiped it away hastily, hoping Zack didn't see.

"What do I have to do?" Rude stated calmly, though he was anything but. Zack's smirk grew wider, eyes dancing excitedly at the prospect of actually getting to do what he had planned.

"Well, I was thinking this...." Zack dropped his voice to a whisper as Reno crawled by, trying to get to the stairs without Yazoo noticing. Neither man paid any attention to him, too entangled in their plotting to even noticed.

Later on that day found Kadaj duct-taped to a chair in Zack's dining room, dressed in a snazzy black dress that Sephiroth had picked out for him three weeks ago –Reno and Cloud now had identical versions hanging in their closets, much to their displeasure-. He stared uncomprehendingly at the table before him, taking in the dim lights, the candles on the table, and, most important of all, edible food on the plates. Then, he looked at Zack, who was grinning widely, his chest puffed out importantly.

"Your idea of a perfect romantic dinner involves me duct-taped to a chair?" Kadaj asked dryly. Zack nodded enthusiastically, his spikes bobbing forcefully with the motion. Idly, Kadaj wondered if he had ever poked himself in the eye with one as he considered the meaning behind this.

He sighed, leveling a glare at the black haired offender. "Keep me out of your perverted bondage fantasies, you freak."

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	16. Glomping

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: You know, I love Zack. But I love Kadaj in denial more.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for. Reno/Yazoo is now an official pair.

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Challenge item: Zack randomly glomps people and Kadaj feels odd about it. He doesn't like Zack hugging strangers, from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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"Cloudy-kins!!!" "Zack!!! Get the hell off me!!" Kadaj twitched at the joyful sounds that accompanied Zack glomping yet another person. First it had been Cloud, then it had been Sephiroth, Reno, Tseng, _Reeve_, Rude, and now it was Cloud again.

Even though each glomp had been accompanied by some hilariously violent action –i.e.: Sephiroth had nearly castrated him, and Reno had kicked him in the balls hard enough to require Cloud's immediate application of a Cure3 spell-, Kadaj couldn't help but feel a pit of emotion swirling in his chest whenever Zack glomped someone who wasn't him.

He wasn't jealous. He most certainly was not, no matter how many times he might scowl and glare at whoever was unfortunate enough to receive –steal- Zack's attentions. In fact, it was almost a relief to have some peace and quiet for once, to not have his every movement hounded by a loudmouth who insisted on possessing every single bit of his concentration.

No, he was not in denial, no matter what everyone else might think... or was he?

"Zack, you goddamn asshole!!" Kadaj shrieked, popping up from where he had been quietly sitting to kick Zack in the head repeatedly. As soon as the dark haired one's face was covered in boot-prints, he stalked off, muttering about inattentive boyfriends under his breath. Zack looked at Cloud, his eyes slightly unfocused.

"Wha'd I do now?" He slurred out, before falling over unconscious. Cloud snickered.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	17. Secretary

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Continuing the Kadaj in denial thread.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Kadaj hangs a random secretary out Seph's window but doesn't know for what reason. (She's been stalking Zack.) from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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Kadaj liked to think that he wasn't normally a violent person, only that he had never been in a situation that hadn't called for violence in some way. However, when a certain event found him hanging a seemingly innocent secretary out the window by her ankles, he took a step back and reevaluated his stance.

Rather than admit he was jealous of the woman for stalking Zack day and night –much to his disgust-, he merely admitted that he was a violent person and placed the blame on Sephiroth's shoulders because it was his genes that made him that way.

Satisfied with this answer, Kadaj left Reeve's office, the chilling screams of the young woman following closely behind.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	18. Pressing the Button

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Continuing the Kadaj in denial thread.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Follow up to the button prompt. from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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The detonator had been sitting on his desk for weeks now, it's large red button beckoning Kadaj with siren song, begging to be pushed. Surely, Kadaj thought, the bomb the idiot had been planted had already been discovered and defused. After all, Kadaj had discovered every camera he had ever placed in his personal space -office, apartment, bathrooms- within minutes, and those things were tiny, surely highly trained lab professionals could find a bomb within a month.

Then again, Hojo goes through lab techs like Reno goes through underwear when Yazoo is involved –and he had a stockpile of clean underwear still in his drawer-. Kadaj was almost willing to bet that the unfortunate souls were more focused on _not_ becoming an experiment than finding a bomb that could potentially destroy a good deal of the lab. Which meant that the probability of something actually exploding about 50-percent when Kadaj pressed the button.

If Kadaj pressed the button.

"Have you ever wondered what that flashing thing in the corner is?" One lab tech asked another, a fork jabbing in the direction of said object as they ate their homemade and experiment-free lunches. The other tilted her head, glancing at the blinking box. She took a bite of her lunch, chewing it thoroughly before answering.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a bomb."

KABOOM!!!

Hojo was down two lab techs.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	19. Following the Bet

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Continuing the Kadaj in denial thread.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Follow up to the bet prompt. from **Chibi Envy Chan**

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"Hey Reno...." Cloud said, smiling at the redhead as he pulled a card from the blond's hand. Reno tilted his head, waving with his other hand. An unfortunate accident involving Yazoo and a supposed insta-love materia had left the red head Silenced until either someone found where Zack had hidden the echo screens or Sephiroth took mercy on him –and Kadaj, whose stalker had also fallen for the fake materia- and used his esuna spell on them.

"Do you remember that bet we made two months ago? About whether or not Kadaj would surrender to Zack?" Cloud continued, taking a card from the redhead's hand in return and frowning as he noticed he had pulled the joker. Reno nodded again, smirking triumphantly.

"I think Sephiroth just won."

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	20. Missing Screw

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Actually part of a drabble set that was supposed to span through December. One fandom a day every day of said month, ended up catching up in January. Hardly anything was written on time, lol.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Missing Screw (From Faladyne)

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"What... The... Hell?" Kadaj demanded, glaring angrily at the person crawling around on the floor of his office. Zack blinked, looking up at him with wide, glowing blue eyes. Kadaj's eye twitched, a frown appearing on his face.

"What exactly are you doing?" The clone growled, crossing his arms and tapping his foot against the floor, much in the way of an angry mother. Zack blinked again, trying to look innocent.

"...Looking for a screw..." He said, like a five year old with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

Kadaj blinked, his mouth opening and closing like a fish's. He could not believe that after all the stupidity he had put up with over the months he still had not killed the idiot. He must really be losing his touch.

"Take your cheesy pick-up lines and get out of my office." Kadaj stated somewhat calmly for a man who was seething with murderous rage, taking his foot and firmly placing it square in the middle of Zack's face, sending the unfortunate solider flying through the window for the sixth time this week.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	21. Stuffed Squirrel

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Actually part of a drabble set that was supposed to span through December. One fandom a day every day of said month, ended up catching up in January. Hardly anything was written on time, lol.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: A stuffed squirrel and a half-eaten nut.

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"Here!" Zack announced cheerfully, dropping a large box onto Kadaj's desk with a loud thud. The silver haired clone's hand jerked, leaving a thick black line across the page of his mission report. He looked up, glaring through his bangs at Zack, his catlike green eyes promising disaster.

"What is that?" He asked, resisting the urge to scream and throw his paperwork out the window. Kadaj, unlike the rest of the building, actually attempted to complete his paperwork on time instead of lighting it on fire, or something similarly destructive.

"It's a symbol of my affection." Zack said seriously, carefully opening the box and lifting the object within out, placing it beside it on Kadaj's desk. Kadaj blinked, staring incredulously at the item before looking up at the dark haired man to see if he really was serious about it.

"It's a..."Kadaj trailed off, still trying to figure out the reasoning behind such a gift. Zack beamed, mistaking Kadaj's quiet disgust for contained joy.

"Stuffed Squirrel!! Isn't it great?" He exclaimed happily, patting it on the head hard enough to knock the half-eaten acorn held in it's paws loose. Kadaj sighed, rubbing his head as the acorn bounced on the floor and out the door.

"Get out of my office."

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	22. Silver Bullet

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Actually part of a drabble set that was supposed to span through December. One fandom a day every day of said month, ended up catching up in January. Hardly anything was written on time, lol.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Silver Bullet with Caramel on it..

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"I've done it!!" Zack yelled as he burst into the blonde's office, waving a small, shiny object around like a flag. Cloud sighed, placing his pen in the desk before a Zack related incident left scribbles all over for his request form for more tranquilizers. He stared at the shining object clutched tightly in Zack's hand, a sweatdrop forming on his head.

"If that's an engagement ring, Kadaj is going to string you up by your toes and feed your dick to Hojo's dragons." Cloud said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could already hear the screaming and feel the headache brought on by damage control. Zack blinked, tilting his head to the side.

"No silly, it isn't an engagement ring." Zack said, waving the shimmering object under Cloud's nose. "It's a silver bullet." Cloud blinked.

"Why would Kadaj need a silver bullet?" He questioned, grabbing Zack's arm to stop the near-constant motion. He blinked again as he finally got a good look at the object. "And why is it covered in caramel?"

"Just in case he meets a diabetic werewolf while he's on a mission." Zack explained, looking rather pleased with himself. Cloud did the only thing you could do in these types of situations, he shut his mouth, he smiled and he nodded.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	23. Skirts

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: *Giggles* I have such fun writing these. They're crack, but they're amusing crack.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: What if Zack makes a deal with Yazoo? If Yazoo convinces Kadaj to wear a dress (short skirt), Zack will convince Reno to wear a dress (short skirt). From **Chibi WingZero**

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"....Are you wearing panties?" Reno asked, trying not squirm as he and Kadaj waited patiently in the elevator. He kept aching to pull the skirt farther down, but the last time he had done that, he had almost torn it off. Kadaj glared at him, looking at him disdainfully.

"Yes.... Are you?" Reno flushed a bright red at the question and shifted again as the elevator doors swooshed open, blowing his skirt up, revealing his red panties. Kadaj made a face, sticking his tongue out.

They stepped out of the elevator, skirts swishing around their legs. Kadaj leveled a glare at the drooling Zack, who had been waiting for them, noting with a slight twinge that the older soldier's gaze was split evenly between him and Reno. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He sneered, then blinked, almost blinded by the over-enthusiastic flash of Yazoo's camera.

"This is so worth a stalker-free week." Reno announced, preening for the camera. Kadaj blinked, and nodded, agreeing with him and glaring at Zack at the same time.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	24. Date

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: Writing with a headache and a cold, if you spot anything odd, I blame it on that.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: A fan girl wins the prize of dating a SOLDIER of her choice, and she picks Zack of all people. Kadaj doesn't know about the whole prize thing and then... From **Chibi WingZero**

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Kadaj gritted his teeth, watching Zack cheerfully interact with the woman who had insisted upon a date from two tables over. Cloud sat beside him, casually eating his dinner as Sephiroth glared at them from two tables over, a nervous looking Reno at his side. Yazoo sat two tables behind them, looking more than a little drunk as he swayed in his chair, eyes never leaving Reno. Tseng was at the same table as him, though he didn't seem to be interested in what was going on around him.

"You know, for once, I'd like to eat in a restaurant without dragging an entire line of stalkers behind me." Cloud muttered under his breath as he cut into his steak. Kadaj glared at him, glancing back at Seph and Reno, who seemed to be enjoying this little outing, despite their long standing feud over paperwork burning right. Yazoo was obviously drunk, singing merrily five tables away as Tseng tried to pretend he didn't know him.

"Somehow...." Kadaj hissed, sending death threats via glare to the young woman who had stolen Zack's attention. "I do not see that happening in the near future." He froze, seeing red as the woman leaned forward to place a kiss on Zack's cheek. Before he was even aware of what was happening, he had already thrown Cloud's chair across the room –with Cloud still in it-, and let out a triumphant laugh as it smacked her in the head, knocking her unconscious.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


	25. Soccer Ball

Dedicated to **Chibi Envy Chan**, because he's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

Notes: No longer taking requests, unless I know you fairly well. My writing style has changed, so I'm only taking one-two word prompts.

Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi, whatever the hell you want to call it. Zack/Kadaj. And that special brand of humor I'm famous for.

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Challenge item: Soccer ball

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"What the...?" Kadaj was getting rather tired of walking into his office and discovering strange objects often ones he'd never seen before, placed on his desk with a note from his 'beloved'. This time it was a sphere with a chessboard pattern on it, he did not know what Zack meant for him to do with it, but he had an idea of what he was going to do with it. The note said 'Play with me?' with a smiley face and a squiggle beneath it. Kadaj smirked, tucking the object beneath his arm as he set the note, and his most recent stack of paperwork, on the desk before heading out.

He passed Reno on the way to Zack's office, noting that the redhead was dressed only in a towel and flushed bright red. He would have to retrieve the Turk's clothes from Yazoo later. His older brother had taken a step up in his 'courtship' and was not letting the redhead wear any clothes at all. Kadaj had taken pity on him, and retrieved them when he could if only so he did not have to see the redhead's crotch.

"Oh hey Kadaj, do you like my..." Zack's question was quite violently interrupted by Kadaj hurling the sphere at his face at full strength. Sephiroth snorted as his second in command flew back in his chair, sprawling across the ground and picked up his notes.

"I'll leave you to it then." He remarked to Kadaj as the younger man picked up the ball, which had bounced back to him, and spiked it into Zack's face again. "Have fun." Sephiroth chuckled once, then left the meeting room, silver hair swishing behind him like a cloak.

"Oh believe me..." Kadaj stated, smirking as he shut the door behind him. "I will."

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.


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